To the Tune of "I Had a Dream"
from Les Miserables

Some pens were made in time gone by
With nibs that write without our tweaking
Some pens that do not clog or dry
Whose only flaw is sometimes leaking

My 51 will never stall
If writing stops for half a minute
The ink does not stick to its walls
The pen has no converter in it.

But my new Montblanc is pretty
And a status symbol too
As a writer it is sh**ty
Still I'll buy another one or two…

A vintage Balance wrote these lines
Scratched out mistakes and never faltered
I did not once adjust its tines
It simply wrote without a glitch——

And still I buy new pens I'm sure
Will never write as pens are meant to
I've sent so many for repair
That I've forgotten whom they're sent to

I had a dream all pens would write
As well as my scarred, old-time users
As well as my old Waterman
I'd better stick to vintage pens.

With all apologies to the Beatles and to all the rest of you-

To the relevant tunes of Sgt. Pepper:

It was just about 2 years today
Len and Donal made the board Pentrace.
They’ve been working on it quite a while
And they made it just for us to smile.
So let me introduce to you
The pair you’ve known for all these years,
Len and Donal’s busy Pentrace Board.

Its Len and Donal’s busy Pentrace Board
They hope you will enjoy the flow
Len and Donal’s busy Pentrace Board
Sit back and watch the treads just grow.
Len and Donal’s Busy
Len and Donal’s Busy
Len and Donal’s busy Pentrace Board.

Its wonderful they made it
We certainly are thrilled
They’re such a lovely pair of hosts
We’d like to take them home with us
We’d love to take them home!

I don’t really want to stop the show
But I thought you might like to know
That the stubhead’s gonna sing a song
And he wants you all to sing along.
So may I introduce to you
They one and only Dave Mason
Len and Donal’s busy Pentrace Board.

Dave Ma- Son.......

What would you do if your pens wouldn’t write
Would you give up and throw them away?
Send me your nibs and smooth and a grind
And they’ll turn into stubs in a day.
I get by with a little help from my Pens.

What do you do when your Montblanc’s away?
Does it worry you when it’s not home?
How do write with a bent Cartier?
Are you sad because it's all alone?

I get by with a little help from my pens
Gonna try with a little help from my pens

Do you need a Namiki?
I just want something that writes.
Could it be a Visconti?
I just want some pen that writes.

Would you believe that a new pen could write?
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the lights?
I can’t tell you but I know they’re tines.

Oh I get by with a little help from my pens
Get high with a little help from my pens

Could it be an Ancora?
I just want something that writes.
Could it be an Aurora?
I just want some pen that writes.
I get by with a little help from my pens
With a little help from my pens.

Lamy in the Sky with Diamonds

Picture yourself with a nib like a river
With Tangerine Dream, and a Conway cracked ice.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A pen with Rose Cyclamen tines.

Celluloid fountains of yellow and green
Towering over your head.
Look for the pen with the beautiful tines and its gone.

Lamy in the sky with diamonds.

Follow it down to the store with the fountains
When penselling people eat rollerball pies.
Everyone smiles as you sniff the Havana
That gets you incredibly high.

Clairfontaine paper appears in the store
Ready to mail you away.
Climb on the sheets with your head in the clouds
And you’re gone.

Lamy in the sky with diamonds.

Picture yourself on a snail in a station
with micropen mailmen with Tanzanite ties.
Suddenly something is there at the postbox
the pen with Rose Cyclamen tines.

Lamy in the Sky with Diamonds.

With all due respect to Mary Poppins

Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious
Even though the sight of it is something quite atrocious
If you take it out at night you'll always look ferocious
Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious

Because I was afraid to write when I was just a lad
My teacher slapped me on the wrist and told me I was bad
But then one day I saw a pen that saved my achin' wrist
The strangest pen I ever saw and it was said like this :

Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious
Even though the sight of it is something quite atrocious
If you take it out at night you'll always look ferocious
Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious

So when you're three weeks late on snails there's no need for dismay
Just pull out this special pen and get to work today.
But better use it carefully or you may end up dead
The day I showed it to my wife she hit me on the head!

Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious
Even though the sight of it is something quite atrocious
If you take it out at night you'll always look ferocious
Sheafferconklinfaberhysekestiealadocious

I don't know what to call this, but here it is:

The Parker 25

I was surfin one day on Mr. Binders site
when I found a pen that seemed just right

Don't know why but it caught my eye
seems it's oddly shaped and thats no lie

You know my heart went all a flutter
(like I need another pen in all this clutter)

But I sez to Richard--"This pen do send
That drought I'm in has come to an end"!

Well it took forever for this pen to arrive
It had me wonderin if I'd survive

So I went down to my lair and pulled up a chair,
Tossed back my hair, but only found air

Then I considered the stink of Watermans ink
but tendered a drink of that ole black Quink.

When I turned on the light and started to write
as I knew it might that pen took flight!

(Now I know in a pinch it will never fail
cause that gosh darn nib is stiff as a nail

Please think of me to be no fool
This nib of steel is quite a tool!)

Now when I wrote to Cate it was gettin late
well my sleep can wait--this pens first rate!

I ran that snail out to the mail
'bout Fifth and Yale I started to pale

Heard my Wife at the door (thats a sight I abhor)
sayin "boy you're makin us poor--don't you buy no more"

Then She gave me "the look" which I never mistook
She threw "da book" and a quick left hook

Now don't you mourn for the wounds I've borne
or cause I'm tattered and torn and feeling forlorn

It'll be a while before we can reconcile
when our case came to trial She won by a mile!

To end this tale I made my bail
and got outta jail...just in time... for a fountain...pen...SALE!

Oh please Honey, can't I have just one MOORE?
What's that? Why you old KRONE! OOOWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww!!
HELP!, I need a HERO!

Forgive me Dan Emmet.

Way down South in the land of cotton,
I found Dixie pens in a box old and rotten.

Took em Away, Took em Away,
Took em Away my Dixie pens.

I knew that the South had risen again,
Then I found the pens were made in Michigan.

Took em Away, Took em Away,
Took em Away my Dixie pens.

I still love my Dixie's anyway, anyway,
Hoo Ray, Hoo Ray, Hoo Ray for Yankee Dixie pens, love em anyway those Dixie pens.

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Fountain Pen

(Hey, I've been busy these days!)